It was the time of year for joy and thanksgiving, but Ashie was concerned about how to make payments on this months bills, and with Christmas coming there was not enough money to cover the rent even, and there still was the light bill to go. The kids were looking forward to Christmas but he thought I wish it had already gone by.

He was far from home, this native to Four Corners and from time to time he would look to the South at the horizon, beyond that is where home really was, in the nestle of red rocks, cedar trees and dusty roads. He had not been home since his mother had suffered a stroke and the boys, his three brothers and him decided to board up the house. It was more than a year ago, he got a call that his mother had been found on the floor at the house in Two Gray Hills and flown from Shiprock to Albuquerque. He drove all night and got there after they had operated on her at the University Hospital at the University of New Mexico. He stayed there with her. The doctors said she would come out of the deep sleep she was in. He thought that maybe by talking to her, that she might know his voice and come back.

She just layed there, all her gray hair was cut off. He did not recognize her with her hair all gone. As a boy he watched her comb her hair out, early in the morning. She was careful to pick up all the loose ends and put them someplace safe lest they fall into the wrong hands. She took care of her hair and kept it up in the bun all day, tied up traditional style. Now she just layed her with no hair and did not move..

He stayed as long he could sleeping in his car in the parking lot and pawning his belt buckle and some silver jewelry to get back home.  His boss had let him off and paid him for two extra weeks while he was gone, but since his job as a trucker paid no benefits, he was in debt to his boss and could not visit her anymore. She was put in a long term nursing home and moved to Phoenix, his brothers and he had decided that was best, because the good hospitals were down there  They boarded up the house and put away all the things in there, but they couldn't really touch the things in her room. They left it just like they had their father's room. His father liked to put up pictures of Indians, any kind of Indian and one wall was a collage of Indian pictures, years ago when he passed away, no one in the family had the heart to take them down and so they were still up there, along with his hat, his drum and rattles.

Anyway he had chance to drive a load to Albuquerque just before the Holidays and it would be extra pay, and he needed the money so he said ok. He told his wife and she wasn't too happy about it. "What about Christmas, the kids are expecting….", but her voice trailed off because she knew as well they needed the money. She said, I will think of something. He said I wish I could give you a better Christmas than this but I have to take this trip. It is a hard thing when you know that no matter what you do you can not do anything more that you can do to bring more money home and this Christmas was going to be a bust. He touched the kids hair as they slept, it was early before daylight when he left.

Ashie got to the yard and saw the dispatcher, got his paper work and found a rig with a Cummins diesel. It was noisy but after it warmed up a while it purred like a kitten. He looked around and thought, looks like I am the only one here today. He put it in gear and started to head out. The dispatcher ran over to him and flagged him down, he stopped. The old white guy could move pretty good when he wanted to. He asked Ashie, what is your cell number. Ashie told him I don't have a cell phone, I will have to call you when I stop. The dispatcher looked at him and did not say anything and he headed out and drove South looking for the freeway. In a few hours he would be looking for the red rocks of home…

It was the beginning of a new day, the earth was new in many ways and the early light of dawn was just beginning to reach it's fingers to the west. He felt his pocket and the nub of deerskin that held yellow powder, Tah-Dah-Deen, was small in it. If he had a chance he would have to find some to refill it. He thought about this sunrise, reached into the small deerskin pouch and offered a prayer…

From my chest may the pollen of dawn help me to learn…
He looked to the western horizon as he entered the freeway…
From my back may the pollen of yellow evening light help me to learn.
as he shifted gears the words came..
From the soles of my feet may the pollen of whirlwind help me to learn.
He looked at the dawn in the east as the sky was pink and pale blue
From the top of my head reaching toward the sky, toward sunlight and blue birds pollen being  hemp me to learn so that I may walk and go this way with it….
Let these things I see help me to learn and let me the pollen of wind touch my tongue and guide me in proper way I should go…
He stretched and sat up and breathed in the fresh air of a new day….
Now restored to youth a little I can go about this day,
pollen help me to learn  how to walk in beauty this day…
he repeated it again as he drove down the highway.

Old lady Nahgebah was her name, she came into the extended care nursing home in Phoenix. She was on Medicare, long term and she became known as the Old Navajo woman in bed 6B.
They had gone to Gallup and eaten at the All You Can Eat Chinese Place by the Old WalMart she didn’t feel too good and thought it was just a long day. When she got home, she put her things away and went to the door to take a look at the sheep. Her youngest son had left to go to Newcomb. She felt strange and then she fell to to the floor.

It was a strange place, half in shadows and half twilight. In the distance she could see movement but could not reach there, she was on a mountain and they were across the valley and did not see her. Who were these people she tried to talk to them but they would look at her and say nothing. She watched them and some of the looked like monsters…

Ashie drove through the mountains driving South, the roads were full of families headed to visit, some had Christmas presents in the back windows and the kids would stick their arms out the windows and pump them up and down. He would reach for the string and the long sound of a diesel horn would bellow out and they would wave. All he could think about were his kids at home, who were just now waking up and finding him gone. There were going to check the tree for new presents but there was  just one for each and then they would go  to the kitchen for cereal.

It was a play, it looked like from where Nahgebah stood, she say a giant talking to a woman, and while she was out gathering plant food from country that looked like Lukachukai, a broad valley with a mountain rising up to the East, she wandered at the foot of it and gathered, drop seed plants for soup. The monster came and she hid and the monster went by her and travelled on. Her shape changed and she moved and there she found a place and dwelt in it.

After a time the one who calls himself the Sun went into her place, he was there a long time and then he left. This woman came out and then found a place with dripping water and layed under it. When she did this she could see this was Changing Woman. She was witnessing the conception of the twins, the father came and she conceived them. It was  to rid the world of these monsters, she could see them in the distance wandering around….So this is how they came to be….one child conceived with a powerful name, Monster Slayer. When this child was born there was a storm all around the place, there were dark clouds and lightning flashed clockwise starting in the East then the South, then West and to the North in a clockwise fashion.. When the second child was born, there was just gentle thunder starting from the East. She stood there and watched this, and heard the names of these children, the first born to kill monsters, he was called Monster Slayer and  the other for soft gentle dripping water, Child Born for Water. She could see them when they were small and when monsters came to the place of the mother the boys were hidden….these monsters had heard there was a new force with power born but were not sure where it came from and searched all over for what it was but could not find it.

Ashie drove on down through Ute Mountain and could see the spire of Shiprock to the South and felt at home, even with all his worries it felt good to see this place. It was not too far from home. He remembered then that no one was there anymore, just an empty boarded up house. He remembered telling his mother when he as a child, "I will build you a house some day Shima", she would look at him and just laugh and say ok, we will see…he felt bad about the whole thing because he was the eldest son, the one in charge and life did not work out how he planned it. Now she was a vegetable in a strange place.

Nahgebah could see the boys grow up in a short time as if by magic and they were strong, and quick, they could see her and she would wave at them and they would wave back. She could not tell how long she had been at this place but she was growing tired of it. She looked to the East and could see some light and strained her eyes to see beyond it….

The Twin boys grew and asked their mother who their father was, after three times she finally told them the fourth time they asked.  She told them the Sun, and from their the story of their journeys Nahgebah saw, each one, the tests of going to the canyon where men get  thrown from the rocks, the place where reeds cut like knives on those that crossed them,  the crossing of a river that gets wider when you try to cross it. She saw how the Wind became their ally and how they had the magic of travelling on a rainbow.  She watched these boys grow and she could see the light of day becoming better in the East.

Ashie turned off the road South of Shiprock and drove west. He was thinking that somewhere in an office in Reno, a guy was drinking coffee and looking at a computer screen watching a map with little blip leave the road off the trail to Albuquerque and he was reaching for the phone. Ashie smiled and was glad he did not have cell phone, but the box above his head mounted outside was telling on him, but he turned down that narrow ribbon of road and headed west anyway. An older Navajo woman herding sheep on a nearby hill at Burnham turnoff wondered what a diesel truck was doing way out here. He waved to her, but she just looked at him and he laughed about it to himself and drove own down the road...

Nahgebah could see the Twins approaching the Sand Dunes where when one walks it swallows you up but she felt the rush of Wind as it went by her and it lifted them up and over the  sand and she laughed to see it. The boys heard her and they looked at her and then went on to the East. She could see better and the sound of what was gong on outside started to come slowly. She could see the boys travel over the mountains, four of them and she could see them clearly…and then they went over the hill…she closed her eyes and could see them, she knew they were going to see their father at his place, a hogan hidden to the East and that he would test them to see if they really were his sons. she could see this in her mind….

The big rig could not go beyond the turn by the trading post, so Ashie parked the big rig there and walked from there to the a little house to East from there. The trader came out and wondered if maybe he forgot about a delivery there. Ashie waved and pointed to the East and walked on, the trader stood on the steps watching him pass the old Reverand K's place and walk toward the Natani's place and disappear into the trees.

Ashie could see the road into the place had not been used for a while and the house was still boarded up, he expected to feel at home, but it was like coming to an abandoned place, no one had been there for some time, the road was little used. He was home but there was nothing there. He looked at the corral and it was empty. He closed his eyes and remembered all the family used to gather and visit, now they were all gone separated. No one was coming here for Christmas anymore. He walked around the place and then walked back to the rig, in four hours he would be in Albuquerque.

Nahgebah could see that she was in a nursing home but could not talk. She had seen daylight and walked toward it from the place on that strange mountain and found herself in bed. She was weak, and did not know these people, she heard them call her the Old Navajo Woman in 6B. She thought is this how it is to be old, where are my children, why haven't they come to see me. She thought I have to exercise, but did so at night in the quiet of it, moving every so slowly to get her legs and arms moving again. She did not talk to the people around her, but they could she was looking at them but they talked like she wasn't there.

When she slept she could see the Twins, Monster Slayer and Born for Water, and she watched them in their travels. She could see the medicines they carried, their lightening arrows of straight lightning, spotted lightning, and straight lightning and their armor of flint that covered their heads, body and feet. They would look toward her every now and then, but would not wave, because they had outgrown such things . She was stronger now and she made her way to near where they were…she heard the talking there….their Father was saying, this mush inside this basket is powerful, from four directions, it is there and you have eat it a certain way he said. If you do this you will be restored. It is from the pollen of what is called restoration, a restoration of youth and in beauty it is done. It will give you strength. She watched them as they ate this and        after they had left saw the small morsels left behind. She felt she should eat it but then it was too powerful so she skimmed just the dew off it and tasted just a little bit of it and then left…..

Ashie got to Albuquerque, the yard was closed, he crawled over the fence and dropped the paper work in the door slot and unhooked the trailer and left it there. He drove on down to Central to the Tewa Lodge and got a room, it was almost Christmas. There was a bar not too far off, the Blue Spruce, he saw some Indian people  standing outside and thought about going in there but then thought nothing good will come of it and fell asleep watching tv. He did not call home because he nothing to say, he felt bad he had nothing for his family for Christmas and let his tired body carry him off to sleep…

Nahgebah felt the hand of a young girl, a teenager, she had blue eyes, she was brushing her  hair as she was in bed and tied it in the back. She could hear music,  Bing Crosby playing down the hall. It was early about breakfast time, the Candy Stripers were delivering presents to the old folks there. Nahgebah got up and looked outside and saw the packages of clothes sitting on chairs and she took one back to her room. She moved around, she looked in the mirror and saw her hair was all white, and she dressed herself and looked down the hall. One of the young girls forgot something in her car and ran out the door to get it, Nahgebah was right behind her. You could not tell she was 83, she move quickly and walked to the bus stop. The bus came and it was free ride day. She told the driver she was going to the Phoenix Indian Hospital and needed to get there. The lady driver looked at her with tired eyes handed her a ticket and told her to sit behind her. She said I will let you know when you change buses. Nahgebah sat down and looked around …

Ashie waited for the terminal to open and it finally did and he got his papers for his return load, he called in and the dispatcher said he needed to call his sister in Phoenix, but he did not want to talk to her. She had given him a hard time about putting their mother in a nursing home and had been mad at him for not visiting her. He tried to say he didn't have enough money but it did no good, he did not want to talk to her. He went looking for his load at the address he got and there was a sign on the gate that said Closed for Christmas. He went back and got the same room for the night; he thought about calling home but it would only make him feel bad so he didn't, he just watched tv.

In the waiting room, an old lady with white hair sat down at the Phoenix Indian Medical Center.
When people came by she spoke to them. One young couple from Nageezi was there and she spoke with them. She asked for a ride home. They looked at her with suspicion, she told them she got out of the hospital and her family had no phone so she was trying to find a way home, it was on their way. After a minute or two the couple told her to come with them. She crawled into the back of their camper and they gassed up and bought her a sandwich and pop and they took off, heading North and they traveled through Payson and then Showlow and kept going North. She fell asleep and she found herself on that strange mountain.

Where is Ashie, his sister said on the phone to his  wife. I don't know she said he is on the road and hasn't called. I need to get a hold of him, Mom took off from the nursing home, she is wandering around Phoenix somewhere, no one knows where she it at. Do you know where he is . No, she said. Alright, I am calling the my other brothers and tell them. So she called them, one in Denver, one in Kansas City and one in San Francisco, she told them.  All them were calling each other, where was Ashie?   The one in Denver decided to drive down and had just bought a new car. He thought about what to do with the other one, it was good and he thought to sell it but he decided maybe Ashie could use it and so he sent his son to take it to Ashie's wife and so he left to drive over there.

Nahgebah got off at the junction, it was evening and she started to walk west on the highway to her mountain. She kept walking, no one was on the highway. She thought about the history of her people, of how the Navajos who were taken to Fort Sumner  in 1868 suffered there. They were broken hearted and when they heard they were free to go home they were so glad to be going home. She remembered  that when they had traveled and saw Mount Taylor one of the Sacred Mountains, they asked is that our mountain, and they said yes.  The old people, the men and woman fell to the ground and wept at the sight of it they were so happy. She reached down and grabbed a handful of dirt, and it became corn pollen and offered it to this place, and she could see the mountain of her home and she was so glad to see it again.

She had not noticed but the Bitsillies had stopped and looked at her with wide eyes as she got in and she said she was going home. They could not believe it was her and she closed the door and they drove off.

Ashie picked up his load and got a message to call home, he thought about it and tried to call home, but there was no answer, so he left early that morning. The dispatcher said something about his wife asking him to go to the old place and check it. It was important he go by there, they would meet him there. He thought I wonder what happened he was worried and left heading down the road to Gallup his mind full of questions. He got to the Giant Truck Stop and called home but still no answer so he gassed up and headed North, he got to Gallup and drove North. I hope no one is hurt or something worse.

He almost drove by the turnoff, without turning but thought I better wait for them there. He pulled off the road and headed west. He drove up to the trading post and parked the rig and started to head down through the cedars. He could smell smoke from a pinon tree and it was from up ahead. When he stepped into the clearing there were all these vehicles parked there and the house was open. He could smell coffee and the boards covering the windows were taken down. He walked to the front and there was talking going on inside.

He thought something is going on, who is in there. You leave something and Maaiis, coyotes move in and take it over.  He thought about knocking but just walked in. He opened the door and there was the trader, and Rev. K, and the Bitsillies, and the Upshaws, Tauglechees and the table was covered with food. He stood there and they all looked at him, he did not know what to say. Then he heard a voice from the other room, it sounded like his wife, she said, Come Here!

What is this, what is she doing here. He stepped toward the sound of her voice and in the next room the beds were set up and a table, and his wife was there and their three kids who were giggling, and a makeshift tree full of presents underneath. He was so surprised.

There in front of him sat a woman with her back to him, She had long white hair, tied up in the traditional way. She turned to him and it was his mother, Nahgebah. He reached out and took her in his arms, and just stood there and held her. They did not say anything, they couldn't, he just stood there and they all wept.

There is nothing really in life that is as important as family. This is what it is all about, what makes us travel so far from early morning to late night, enduring hardship, hunger and some pain but the thought of home and all them there. Is there anything better than this. Nothing else matters, all else vanishes like a mist.

He  stood there and cried for a long while. Oh, Shima, my mother. It is a home again, and all those that were there laughed cuz it was a miracle in this out of the way place. In the way of saying it, she had "run after them", meaning she was chasing after them and in doing so they had all followed her here. So it goes the story of an old woman named Nahgebah…

rustywire....